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[03 Jul 2006|10:36am] |
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mood |
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overreacting to the max.i know |
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music |
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yeahyeahyeahs- gold lion |
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last night was kinda bad.
i just felt like i was a complete nuisance to everyone.
first i had to meet kevin and ej at the mall so i could be in their car, and they seemed pretty annoyed to have to wait. and i had to make my sister drive me from THS all the way across trumbull to the mall. and then we went to stop and shop to wait for tj who was coming from work, brendon and vicki feik. vicki and brendon came together. and then we all had to fit in kevins car- all 6 of us [kevin, tj, me, ej, vicki, and brendon.]. so ej was kind of sitting on me and then i was next to vicki who was next to brendon. i just felt like i was the one that shouldnt have been there cuz had i not have been there they wouldnt have had that seating problem. because when i asked ej who we were hanging out with that night he told me vicki, brendon, kevin and tj.. idunno, he kind of make me feel like i was just inviting myself or that they werent expecting to hang out with me.
and then we went to the beach in stratford. watched fireworks. and then we actually went on the sand, and chilled there. we just sat there and..you know. but i felt so out of place because i didnt talk much cuz i was high off my ass, and every time i said something no one responded. and then we went back to trumbull back to stop and shop. vicki and brendon left in vicki's car, and it was me, tj, kevin, and ej. they had to wait with me at stop and shop in the parking lot so sp could come pick me up and they were impatient so they got mad.
so basically i felt had i not been there, their night would have been a lot better and easier. and i just feel like they're gonna realize that and not hang out with me as much. i dont know. maybe i'm worrying too much. i just dont want to be left with no friends.
i felt like brendon and vicki had something goin on last night. idunnooo, it was probably me just being high. but either way it makes me upset to think about it.
everything makes me upset. i'm such a fucking mess.
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[07 Jan 2006|11:46pm] |
i am so drunk
and mom konws
shes like "you smell like aslcohol."
i' like...umm no.
shes like " yous smell like smoek"
i'm liek..
"yeah tj was smoking"
she so knows....
i kiss bredon
i'm so fucked. i cheatd on bryan
i want brenodn
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| do di do... |
[27 Sep 2005|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 restless |
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| [ |
music |
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the verve- bitter sweat symphony |
] |
pixiedust380: ....i'm HUNGRY NA
imthegreenfairey: toast???
pixiedust380: that takes effort
imthegreenfairey: cereal?
pixiedust380: i eat that in the morning
imthegreenfairey: salad?
pixiedust380: how about thsoe chips that i was mooching off of you when we dropped you off. could you please send them via computer?
pixiedust380: :-D
imthegreenfairey: of course!
imthegreenfairey: aike minute beta
imthegreenfairey: are we directly connected?
imthegreenfairey: okay ready?
imthegreenfairey: chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip
she makes me smile :]
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[30 Mar 2005|07:40pm] |
we're official
as of yesterday.
details later, cause my dad is facing the computer.
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[01 Mar 2005|11:52am] |
............
i dont even know what to right about in this journal anymore.
i think i'll stop.
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[09 Jan 2005|06:04pm] |
Short Infinity26: Ahh her it cums!!
pixiedust380: what comes?
Short Infinity26: it!
pixiedust380: whats it
Short Infinity26: I jizzed all over
Short Infinity26: ewwww
Short Infinity26: lol
Short Infinity26: whats up hannah
pixiedust380: ...ew
Short Infinity26: jk
Short Infinity26: Why would I be masturbating then IM you?
pixiedust380: because youre you?
Short Infinity26: lol i guess
Short Infinity26: but I wasnt
Short Infinity26: so waqhts up?
pixiedust380: nothing really...you?
Short Infinity26: watchiong tv
Short Infinity26: i did my first project ever today
pixiedust380: congrats
sometimes i just wonder.....
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[31 Dec 2004|08:18pm] |
i feel like crying.
and i dont know why.
and i dont want to talk.
my birthday was yesterday.
horrible.
but i'm not going to complain because then there will be more drama and pissed off-ness.
whatever.
i have to pee.
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[29 Dec 2004|11:55pm] |
my sister is giving me attitude
and i have no idea why
i went over to ask her a question about this fucking rash on my face thats been here for a million fucking years
and she just kept on giving me dirty looks while i was talking to her
like i was a monkey or something.
def didnt need that.
just took a shower and i dont even know if shes gonna straighten my hair in the morning since shes all...."ehhh"
oh man
guess who just IMed me
spencer
and carl
what is it, "lets catch up" night?!
psssht.
i dont need them.
i want to kill myself right now.
boom.
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[28 Dec 2004|08:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the doors-hello i love you |
] |
i'm eating so much crap
and today is a fat day.
the cleaning ladies came today and there was a really ugly one that was looking at me
my sister and i both agreed that she wanted us.
we called her the feja lady.
she looked like a man so i called her fejo.
so we went into our grandmothers room to steal some hardcore cheesecake.
[chazcock, as we call it]
and as soon as we got our pieces, my grandmother came home.
so we had to make a mad dash out of the room...
my sister spilt crumbs everywhere, so she just pushed them under the stove:]
and just ask we were leaving her room, the fejo man thing was talking to my grandmother with the door
wide open
and so my sister and i managed to jump into the laundry room and eat our cheesecake ness..
without our gma seeing us...
*flips on sunglasses* ooooh yeahh..
well that was a pointless story, but i have nothing else to say.
i want to get out of this house.
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[16 Dec 2004|08:32pm] |
you dont have to read it all, its just a pointless convo
but its funny
probably only between the two of us
but....okay shutup.
pixiedust380: plum
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: you enter in full blown technicolor.
pixiedust380: i didnt mean to sign off
pixiedust380: it kicked me off
pixiedust380: COME BACK
pixiedust380: PLAZZ
pixiedust380: PLAZ
pixiedust380: PLAZ
pixiedust380: COME BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
pixiedust380: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE TALKING TO ME
pixiedust380: PLAZ
pixiedust380: PLAZ
pixiedust380: COME BACK
pixiedust380: PLAZ
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: you enter in full blown technicolor.
imthegreenfairey: okay okay okay
imthegreenfairey returned at 7:55:54 PM.
imthegreenfairey: i'm back
pixiedust380: :-DW000000T
imthegreenfairey: heheh WILL AND GRACE IS ON TONIGHT
pixiedust380: OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT SO IS MY SHOW!!!
pixiedust380: IS IT ON NOW?!?!?!
imthegreenfairey: yeah i watch your show too
imthegreenfairey:
imthegreenfairey: its good times
imthegreenfairey: hehe
pixiedust380: YOU DO?!
pixiedust380: OMGO OMG OMG
pixiedust380: DO YOU LOVE IT OR WHAT?!!?
imthegreenfairey: heheh yeah
pixiedust380: SEX MANIYA
imthegreenfairey: its funny
imthegreenfairey: i know
pixiedust380: IT IS FUNNY!
pixiedust380: I KNOW!!
pixiedust380: and hte teacher is SO PRETTYTYY
pixiedust380: HOT
pixiedust380: and i LOVE kelly osbournes boyfriend..hes my fave
pixiedust380: !!
pixiedust380: cuz hes so shyy!!!
imthegreenfairey: hahah yeah hes sweet
pixiedust380: yeah! thats it!
imthegreenfairey: :-D
imthegreenfairey: whoo
pixiedust380: ugh. i updated journal again...
imthegreenfairey: thats goooood
imthegreenfairey: bum
imthegreenfairey: watch will & grace tonight
imthegreenfairey: and then you can like call me adn we can watch that other show too!
imthegreenfairey: yeah, yeah???
imthegreenfairey: buuuuum we must!
imthegreenfairey: DO it
pixiedust380: omg YEAH
pixiedust380: our showsssssssss THURSDAY IS THE BEST DAYYYYEVERRR
imthegreenfairey: heheh i know!!!
imthegreenfairey: i'm gonna look at pooja's pics
pixiedust380: hahah ok
pixiedust380: well i only looked at few
pixiedust380: but ther ewas on on divali
pixiedust380: look for hta tone
pixiedust380: wher shes in a sari
imthegreenfairey: ewas
pixiedust380: hahah
pixiedust380: ugh bryans online, i'm going before i obsess
imthegreenfairey: no
imthegreenfairey: stya
imthegreenfairey: you always make mestay bum
imthegreenfairey: wait he's online?
imthegreenfairey: wahts his sn
pixiedust380: yeah
pixiedust380: i';m not giving it to you because then youll become friends and then you guys will go against me and
imthegreenfairey: do you think pooja's a lesbian
imthegreenfairey: NO I WONT I PROMISE
pixiedust380: ....possibly????
pixiedust380: she looks like she could be one
imthegreenfairey: hahah i know
imthegreenfairey: give it to me
imthegreenfairey: i promise i wont do anything
pixiedust380: ugh.....:-[
imthegreenfairey: i wont even talk to him
pixiedust380: i dont even have to LOOK at my buddylist, i know if off the top of my head...PATHETIC!!!!! its weedyxburton
pixiedust380: ......:-\
imthegreenfairey:
imthegreenfairey: its okay
pixiedust380: what
pixiedust380: heh
pixiedust380: i saw the mouth open and i waslike OH EM GEE!
imthegreenfairey: hehehh
Auto response from pixiedust380: take me back in the arms i love ..
need me like you did before
touch me once again & remember when
there was no one you wanted more
--not happy.eating food like its my job at the moment.
imthegreenfairey: HEY COME BACK
imthegreenfairey: JERK
imthegreenfairey: WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING ME
imthegreenfairey: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/poojavirani/detail?.dir=d66d&.dnm=b27e.jpg&.src=ph
imthegreenfairey: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
pixiedust380: YEAH
pixiedust380: THAT WAS IT
pixiedust380: THAT WAS THE ONE THAT I WAS TLKAING ABOUT
pixiedust380: HAHAHAHAHHAAHA
pixiedust380: YESS!!
imthegreenfairey: haha
pixiedust380: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/poojavirani/detail?.dir=dfe3&.dnm=ecbe.jpg&.src=ph
pixiedust380: hahahahhah
pixiedust380: SHE LOOKS SO CHAZZYYY
imthegreenfairey: i know!! HAHAHA
pixiedust380: OMG WE HAVE TOS HOW THESE TO SONIA AND SHEILA
pixiedust380: HAHAHA
imthegreenfairey: i knowheheheh
pixiedust380: god pooj looks like a man
pixiedust380: oops
pixiedust380: omg i'm going ot hell
pixiedust380: omg omg
pixiedust380: omg:-\
pixiedust380: :-[
imthegreenfairey: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaa
imthegreenfairey: i'm fucking laughing out loud
imthegreenfairey: hahahah
pixiedust380: hah
pixiedust380: hahah yeah i started laughing and mom wasike, are you oka????
pixiedust380: i wanna IM her on guesswhoturd, and be like YOU LOOK LIKE A MANNNN
pixiedust380: YOURE A MANLY MAN
imthegreenfairey: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
pixiedust380: but wiwik all ready has that sn cuz sheila and i abused him on that sn before....mwuahahahahhahaha
imthegreenfairey: OH MY GOD
pixiedust380: hah what???
imthegreenfairey: hahahahahaha that is so funny
pixiedust380: hahah oh make it an away!
pixiedust380: block pooja
pixiedust380: and make it an away
imthegreenfairey: hahahahahaha
imthegreenfairey: noooo
pixiedust380: ill be like "hey, guess who, turd!!!"
pixiedust380: "you look like a man"
pixiedust380: YES
pixiedust380: DOITTT
imthegreenfairey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
imthegreenfairey: i cant stop laughing
imthegreenfairey: oh my god
pixiedust380: im sorryryy!!!
imthegreenfairey: i have tears streaming down my face
pixiedust380: make it an away you chock!
pixiedust380: omg! i didnt mean to make you crah
imthegreenfairey: hahahah
pixiedust380: heheh
pixiedust380: es pa?
imthegreenfairey: ya\
pixiedust380: is will and grace on??
imthegreenfairey: i dunno yet
imthegreenfairey: i'm looking
pixiedust380: oh
pixiedust380: it should be, because life as we know it is on at .....9? i think, and will and grace is befor eit
imthegreenfairey: yeah usually
pixiedust380: find it!
imthegreenfairey: but ithink the apprentice is on right now
imthegreenfairey: hold on
pixiedust380: ohh ok
imthegreenfairey: nooo its not on
pixiedust380: ughhh
imthegreenfairey: i know
imthegreenfairey: crossroads does
pixiedust380: huh?
imthegreenfairey: crossroads is on
imthegreenfairey: sorry
imthegreenfairey: brb gootta peee
pixiedust380: oh
pixiedust380: it is?
pixiedust380: ugh..okkk come back though
imthegreenfairey: back
pixiedust380: that was fast!!
imthegreenfairey: i know brb i just gotta take out the garbage
imthegreenfairey:
pixiedust380: ughhhhhhhhh
pixiedust380: BUM
imthegreenfairey: back
imthegreenfairey: charlie brown's christmas is on
pixiedust380: OMG
pixiedust380: WHAT CHANNEL
pixiedust380: ES TO THE PAH
imthegreenfairey: uhh 6 or 5 or 9 or8
imthegreenfairey: before 10
pixiedust380: ok
imthegreenfairey: i'm gonna go watch
imthegreenfairey: call me later hootster
imthegreenfairey: LOVERS YOUUUUU
pixiedust380: ok.......................................when
imthegreenfairey: whenver you want!
pixiedust380: :-*LOVERS YOU TOOO CHOCKERS
pixiedust380: K TTYL
imthegreenfairey: call me on my room phone
pixiedust380: i dont know the number
imthegreenfairey: 860.427.2491
pixiedust380: make sur eyou answer
imthegreenfairey: i will
imthegreenfairey: i always do
imthegreenfairey:
imthegreenfairey: lovers you
imthegreenfairey: byee
pixiedust380: kkkk
pixiedust380: bye
imthegreenfairey is away at 8:37:23 PM.
pixiedust380: :-Di'm youre away message. thanks!
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: pixiedust380: hahah cause i'm a pimp...pixie pimp that is!
pixiedust380: i would put you as an away, but then all my friends would take your sn and start IMing you and just have you on their list and i dont want that because YORUE MINE
pixiedust380: O:-):-*:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
apparently one of the funniest conversations between my sister and i...
hehehehehe
whoo, yay for the 3rd journal entry in a day...
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| bored |
[06 Sep 2004|09:43pm] |
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| and i need to be redemed to the one ive sinned against because hes all i ever knew of loveee |
[28 Aug 2004|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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criminal-fiona apple |
] |
hmm. i just got incredibly depressed and jealous at the same time.
whatever.
tara left today. thats cool i guess.
school starts thursday.
got my schedule for school.
i hope i have classes with some people.
spencer likes me. apparently loves me. ugh. dra to the ma.
i tried talking to ming the other day.
she def doesnt like me. possibly hates me...?
probably because shes trying to be extra close to bryan.
and clearly bryan doesnt like me.
but i'm not going to dwell on it.
i'll manage fine without friends.
or at least i'll find a way.
i'm listening to fiona apple.
and i hate who i am.
thats it in a nutshell.
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| hiccup |
[23 Aug 2004|03:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lazy |
] |
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music |
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aaja nachle-monsoon wedding |
] |
so theres this kid
who likes me--ehh nono. loves me apparently.
but i'm not so sure i like him
as much as we've been talking and such
i dont feel i know him.
yick.
i feel like a bum
i am one.
ehhhhh.
i dont wanna read for school.
hmmph.
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[24 Jun 2004|01:58pm] |
yeah.
so since all of you fuckasses are going
to be immature about this whole journal crap
i'm stopping this drama.
if you want to view my journal, ask.
because from now on, its friends only.
fuck all of you.
take a step back and realize how lame you guys are.
go ahead and leave comments all you want, but its my life.
and i dont give a fuck about any of you guys.
so stay out of my life and shut the fuck up.
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[15 Jun 2004|07:20pm] |
| halfwingedfairy's LJ stalker is zlashedheart! | | zlashedheart is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged! |
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| wowww |
[05 Jun 2004|10:13pm] |
i def DONT need this from her.
shes fucking lying about the whole "talking about myself"
i fucking never talk to her.
and when i do
its that awkward silence.
NOTHING about me.
and if it is about me, she FUCKING ASKS about it.
its not as if i bring it up.
grrrrrrrr.
[previously she had talked to me about how i never talk to her, and i said that i never really talked to anyone online b/c i'm never actually physically at the computer...and then she claims that i see her in school, which i DONT...but whatever, its not worth it.]
LdZppln680: iam very sorry..im just kinda short tempered latley....
pixiedust380: ok
LdZppln680: my parents seperated so its kinda messed
LdZppln680: uup
pixiedust380: k
LdZppln680: u made @me
pixiedust380: mad? no. upset? yeah.
LdZppln680: upset about what?
pixiedust380: the fact that you were short tempered with me and that you assumed things.
LdZppln680: well i said sorry....and i told you why i was short tempered, and plus i didnt assume anything , i just used my sourses, which is you never talkin to me. plus i do see you in school
pixiedust380: ...i dont see you..
LdZppln680: dont give me that, i saqw you frieday
pixiedust380: i really didnt see you
pixiedust380: i dont remember
pixiedust380: you know what? you dont want to believe me, or you want to be short tempered with me, go ahead. i dont need this right now.
LdZppln680: no i dont b/c u know you see me, and dont you gwt it? i told you i was SORRY....you obviously have issues forgiving people
pixiedust380: i forgave you after you said you were sorry.
LdZppln680: but you were "upset"
pixiedust380: well you were teh one who asked me if i was mad.. i was just being honest. would you rather me lie?
LdZppln680: no but you have no reason to be upset
pixiedust380: who are you to say how i should and shouldnt feel?
LdZppln680: your right
LdZppln680: i am no 1
pixiedust380: dont pull that guilt tripping crap on me. i'm not going to sympathise for your self critisism.
LdZppln680: god man you dont even care whats goin on with me because you have it soooo bad and it seems we cant have a conversation unless its bout you....and dont you dare try to tell me i am feelin bad for myslef because you should be the last one talkin bout that'
pixiedust380: excuse me, but i'm not tlaking about feeling bad for one's self. i'm talking about self critisism. and i've only talked to you a few times. and believe me, i dont just talk about myself. youre right. i do have it bad. but i dont complain about it. i dont talk about myself when talking to you. you know thats a lie.
LdZppln680: you wish you didnt.....all the times i have talked to you were about you and you do act like you have it bad...but listen there are people who have it a shitload worst ansd you can't imagine how lucky you are...yah ok you might have some issues but who dosnt you cant drag them out you need to think about those people whos lives are really fucked up...more fucked up then you can ever imagine...your not one of them
pixiedust380: who are you to say this to me? you know nothing of me, or my past. nothing.
LdZppln680 signed off at 10:10:13 PM.
shes not even worth posting in this journal, but i'm just bored.
that was THE most pointless fight i have ever been in so far.
dear god shoot me. talk about a fucking first grade fight.
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| dont ever let life pass you by... |
[05 Jun 2004|09:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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incubus-warning |
] |
i always look at the the clock when its 9:11 pm.
always.
i saw hp on thursday night. with my sis and alison.
before anyone else.mwuahahah.it was awesome.
and then we went to the diner.
and i ate grilled cheese.
mmm.
today is saturday...and i'm supposed to get confirmed
tomorrow.
how exciting... -.-
and i saw raising helen with finik today.
it was good.
long, but good.
and meg l. just called
askin if i wanted to smoke it up with her.
but mom told me it was too late to go over since it was 9.
so yeah.
shes probably not gonna ever ask me again.
so i'm pissed.
and people reading this are gonna get so pissed at me.
not to mention any people, but i can think of a few who
will rip me a new one.
whatever.
so yeah. my hands shaking.
and i'm pissed.
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| good god have i been dreaming this paralyzing feeling |
[31 May 2004|10:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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finger eleven- stay and drown |
] |
i think this was the first good venting i've done
in a while...
[convo with mike]
i just give up on having a life. and friends. and being me. i cant even handle a simple conversation without thinking about him. or without having flashbacks to when certain things reminded me of him. people say i need to forget about him, and get my mind off of him...but anything and everything reminds me of him. or gives me a flashback of him. i cant even fucking sleep in my room anymore because of what we did in there. i cant wear any of my clothes without having a flashback as to where, and when i was with him. and what i did with him on that day. i just cant stop thinking. and then my brain gets fried. and i dont talk to anyone, and everyone thinks that i'm depressed and dont want to talk to them, when in reality i'm just trying to save myself from being reminded of him in a simple conversation. and then they dont talk to me, and then when i want them to talk to me, they're not there. which makes me so incredibly selfish. i just dont know what to do, think or say anymore. i dont know how to act without having some weird reaction by either my inner self, or someone else.
brndnewfk246: its close to summer now... so maybe after summer u'll be happy... or close to it... over the summer u can just like... meditate (not literally) and it'll help... and ur not a selfish person.. a lot of people feel like that. i kno i feel like that when i dont want to talk to anybody... and when i need to talk to someone or talk to my usual 5 ppl they are away or not online... so its a normal thing ot get, ur not a selfish person by anymeans
pixiedust380: its not selfish that i kept something from bryan...?:-(
brndnewfk246: considering it cancels out that he kept the smoking from u... it doesnt make u selfish
pixiedust380: what do you mean he kept the smoking from me? the whole time we were going out he was smoking?
brndnewfk246: at the end... he said that he started smoking while u two were going out... he kept that from u... it doesnt matter the time period its the fact that he didnt tell u until he broke up with u... AND... he didnt tell u that he used to smoke until like a month into ur relationship...
pixiedust380: and he friggin lied to me while he was breaking up, saying that he was on his moms lap top, whenr ealy he was at mings....not that tahts a significant lie, but it still is a lie..cuz after he broke up with me, he changed his profiles to "at mings hangin with teeeejay and brendoooon" ...geh...:throws up:
uuuuuumm this was a pointless update
and i have school tomorrow
andddddd...yeah.
:bites air:
i'm not even tired man..its 11..:sigh:
fuck you.
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[17 May 2004|03:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the cure-night like this |
] |
Watching the days slip by so fast
Knowing our fate has long been cast
Working our fingers to be done
Cause nobody loves you when you're gone
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there’s a hole inside my heart
Where all of my love comes pouring out
You know you'll always be my man
But grab yourself sweetness where you can
Cause sooner or later we're going to die
Left to the dogs under the sky
I cracked a piece of broken glass
Coughing up feeling just for you
To find something real to hold on to
But there’s a hole inside my heart
Where waves of my love comes tumbling out
You say that all the good is gone
That I have forgotten who I am
Free as a bird
Wild as the wind
But somehow I cannot let you in
i came home after 2nd today because
i broke down.
i guess it was a mix of a whole bunch of things.
which i wont mention here.
i dont even know what it was.
shut up.
this is pathetic and i cant keep holding on much longer.
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[16 May 2004|07:28pm] |
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gah. fuck.
just fuck.
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halfwingedfairy's journal
