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[03 Jul 2006|10:36am] |
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mood |
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overreacting to the max.i know |
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music |
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yeahyeahyeahs- gold lion |
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last night was kinda bad.
i just felt like i was a complete nuisance to everyone.
first i had to meet kevin and ej at the mall so i could be in their car, and they seemed pretty annoyed to have to wait. and i had to make my sister drive me from THS all the way across trumbull to the mall. and then we went to stop and shop to wait for tj who was coming from work, brendon and vicki feik. vicki and brendon came together. and then we all had to fit in kevins car- all 6 of us [kevin, tj, me, ej, vicki, and brendon.]. so ej was kind of sitting on me and then i was next to vicki who was next to brendon. i just felt like i was the one that shouldnt have been there cuz had i not have been there they wouldnt have had that seating problem. because when i asked ej who we were hanging out with that night he told me vicki, brendon, kevin and tj.. idunno, he kind of make me feel like i was just inviting myself or that they werent expecting to hang out with me. and then we went to the beach in stratford. watched fireworks. and then we actually went on the sand, and chilled there. we just sat there and..you know. but i felt so out of place because i didnt talk much cuz i was high off my ass, and every time i said something no one responded. and then we went back to trumbull back to stop and shop. vicki and brendon left in vicki's car, and it was me, tj, kevin, and ej. they had to wait with me at stop and shop in the parking lot so sp could come pick me up and they were impatient so they got mad. so basically i felt had i not been there, their night would have been a lot better and easier. and i just feel like they're gonna realize that and not hang out with me as much. i dont know. maybe i'm worrying too much. i just dont want to be left with no friends.
i felt like brendon and vicki had something goin on last night. idunnooo, it was probably me just being high. but either way it makes me upset to think about it.
everything makes me upset. i'm such a fucking mess.
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[07 Jan 2006|11:46pm] |
i am so drunk and mom konws shes like "you smell like aslcohol." i' like...umm no. shes like " yous smell like smoek" i'm liek.. "yeah tj was smoking"
she so knows....
i kiss bredon i'm so fucked. i cheatd on bryan i want brenodn
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| do di do... |
[27 Sep 2005|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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the verve- bitter sweat symphony |
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pixiedust380: ....i'm HUNGRY NA imthegreenfairey: toast??? pixiedust380: that takes effort imthegreenfairey: cereal? pixiedust380: i eat that in the morning imthegreenfairey: salad? pixiedust380: how about thsoe chips that i was mooching off of you when we dropped you off. could you please send them via computer? pixiedust380: :-D imthegreenfairey: of course! imthegreenfairey: aike minute beta imthegreenfairey: are we directly connected? imthegreenfairey: okay ready? imthegreenfairey: chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chip
she makes me smile :]
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[30 Mar 2005|07:40pm] |
we're official
as of yesterday.
details later, cause my dad is facing the computer.
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[01 Mar 2005|11:52am] |
............
i dont even know what to right about in this journal anymore.
i think i'll stop.
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[09 Jan 2005|06:04pm] |
Short Infinity26: Ahh her it cums!! pixiedust380: what comes? Short Infinity26: it! pixiedust380: whats it Short Infinity26: I jizzed all over Short Infinity26: ewwww Short Infinity26: lol Short Infinity26: whats up hannah pixiedust380: ...ew Short Infinity26: jk Short Infinity26: Why would I be masturbating then IM you? pixiedust380: because youre you? Short Infinity26: lol i guess Short Infinity26: but I wasnt Short Infinity26: so waqhts up? pixiedust380: nothing really...you? Short Infinity26: watchiong tv Short Infinity26: i did my first project ever today pixiedust380: congrats
sometimes i just wonder.....
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[31 Dec 2004|08:18pm] |
i feel like crying. and i dont know why. and i dont want to talk. my birthday was yesterday. horrible. but i'm not going to complain because then there will be more drama and pissed off-ness.
whatever. i have to pee.
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[29 Dec 2004|11:55pm] |
my sister is giving me attitude and i have no idea why i went over to ask her a question about this fucking rash on my face thats been here for a million fucking years and she just kept on giving me dirty looks while i was talking to her like i was a monkey or something.
def didnt need that.
just took a shower and i dont even know if shes gonna straighten my hair in the morning since shes all...."ehhh"
oh man guess who just IMed me
spencer and carl
what is it, "lets catch up" night?!
psssht. i dont need them.
i want to kill myself right now. boom.
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[28 Dec 2004|08:02pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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the doors-hello i love you |
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i'm eating so much crap and today is a fat day. the cleaning ladies came today and there was a really ugly one that was looking at me my sister and i both agreed that she wanted us. we called her the feja lady. she looked like a man so i called her fejo. so we went into our grandmothers room to steal some hardcore cheesecake. [chazcock, as we call it] and as soon as we got our pieces, my grandmother came home. so we had to make a mad dash out of the room... my sister spilt crumbs everywhere, so she just pushed them under the stove:] and just ask we were leaving her room, the fejo man thing was talking to my grandmother with the door wide open and so my sister and i managed to jump into the laundry room and eat our cheesecake ness.. without our gma seeing us... *flips on sunglasses* ooooh yeahh.. well that was a pointless story, but i have nothing else to say.
i want to get out of this house.
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[16 Dec 2004|08:32pm] |
you dont have to read it all, its just a pointless convo but its funny probably only between the two of us but....okay shutup.
pixiedust380: plum
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: you enter in full blown technicolor.
pixiedust380: i didnt mean to sign off pixiedust380: it kicked me off pixiedust380: COME BACK pixiedust380: PLAZZ pixiedust380: PLAZ pixiedust380: PLAZ pixiedust380: COME BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK pixiedust380: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE TALKING TO ME pixiedust380: PLAZ pixiedust380: PLAZ pixiedust380: COME BACK pixiedust380: PLAZ
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: you enter in full blown technicolor.
imthegreenfairey: okay okay okay imthegreenfairey returned at 7:55:54 PM. imthegreenfairey: i'm back pixiedust380: :-DW000000T imthegreenfairey: heheh WILL AND GRACE IS ON TONIGHT pixiedust380: OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT SO IS MY SHOW!!! pixiedust380: IS IT ON NOW?!?!?! imthegreenfairey: yeah i watch your show too imthegreenfairey: imthegreenfairey: its good times imthegreenfairey: hehe pixiedust380: YOU DO?! pixiedust380: OMGO OMG OMG pixiedust380: DO YOU LOVE IT OR WHAT?!!? imthegreenfairey: heheh yeah pixiedust380: SEX MANIYA imthegreenfairey: its funny imthegreenfairey: i know pixiedust380: IT IS FUNNY! pixiedust380: I KNOW!! pixiedust380: and hte teacher is SO PRETTYTYY pixiedust380: HOT pixiedust380: and i LOVE kelly osbournes boyfriend..hes my fave pixiedust380: !! pixiedust380: cuz hes so shyy!!! imthegreenfairey: hahah yeah hes sweet pixiedust380: yeah! thats it! imthegreenfairey: :-D imthegreenfairey: whoo pixiedust380: ugh. i updated journal again... imthegreenfairey: thats goooood imthegreenfairey: bum imthegreenfairey: watch will & grace tonight imthegreenfairey: and then you can like call me adn we can watch that other show too! imthegreenfairey: yeah, yeah??? imthegreenfairey: buuuuum we must! imthegreenfairey: DO it pixiedust380: omg YEAH pixiedust380: our showsssssssss THURSDAY IS THE BEST DAYYYYEVERRR imthegreenfairey: heheh i know!!! imthegreenfairey: i'm gonna look at pooja's pics pixiedust380: hahah ok pixiedust380: well i only looked at few pixiedust380: but ther ewas on on divali pixiedust380: look for hta tone pixiedust380: wher shes in a sari imthegreenfairey: ewas pixiedust380: hahah pixiedust380: ugh bryans online, i'm going before i obsess imthegreenfairey: no imthegreenfairey: stya imthegreenfairey: you always make mestay bum imthegreenfairey: wait he's online? imthegreenfairey: wahts his sn pixiedust380: yeah pixiedust380: i';m not giving it to you because then youll become friends and then you guys will go against me and imthegreenfairey: do you think pooja's a lesbian imthegreenfairey: NO I WONT I PROMISE pixiedust380: ....possibly???? pixiedust380: she looks like she could be one imthegreenfairey: hahah i know imthegreenfairey: give it to me imthegreenfairey: i promise i wont do anything pixiedust380: ugh.....:-[ imthegreenfairey: i wont even talk to him pixiedust380: i dont even have to LOOK at my buddylist, i know if off the top of my head...PATHETIC!!!!! its weedyxburton pixiedust380: ......:-\ imthegreenfairey: imthegreenfairey: its okay pixiedust380: what pixiedust380: heh pixiedust380: i saw the mouth open and i waslike OH EM GEE! imthegreenfairey: hehehh
Auto response from pixiedust380: take me back in the arms i love .. need me like you did before touch me once again & remember when there was no one you wanted more
--not happy.eating food like its my job at the moment.
imthegreenfairey: HEY COME BACK imthegreenfairey: JERK imthegreenfairey: WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING ME imthegreenfairey: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/poojavirani/detail?.dir=d66d&.dnm=b27e.jpg&.src=ph imthegreenfairey: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA pixiedust380: YEAH pixiedust380: THAT WAS IT pixiedust380: THAT WAS THE ONE THAT I WAS TLKAING ABOUT pixiedust380: HAHAHAHAHHAAHA pixiedust380: YESS!! imthegreenfairey: haha pixiedust380: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/poojavirani/detail?.dir=dfe3&.dnm=ecbe.jpg&.src=ph pixiedust380: hahahahhah pixiedust380: SHE LOOKS SO CHAZZYYY imthegreenfairey: i know!! HAHAHA pixiedust380: OMG WE HAVE TOS HOW THESE TO SONIA AND SHEILA pixiedust380: HAHAHA imthegreenfairey: i knowheheheh pixiedust380: god pooj looks like a man pixiedust380: oops pixiedust380: omg i'm going ot hell pixiedust380: omg omg pixiedust380: omg:-\ pixiedust380: :-[ imthegreenfairey: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaa imthegreenfairey: i'm fucking laughing out loud imthegreenfairey: hahahah pixiedust380: hah pixiedust380: hahah yeah i started laughing and mom wasike, are you oka???? pixiedust380: i wanna IM her on guesswhoturd, and be like YOU LOOK LIKE A MANNNN pixiedust380: YOURE A MANLY MAN imthegreenfairey: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA pixiedust380: but wiwik all ready has that sn cuz sheila and i abused him on that sn before....mwuahahahahhahaha imthegreenfairey: OH MY GOD pixiedust380: hah what??? imthegreenfairey: hahahahahaha that is so funny pixiedust380: hahah oh make it an away! pixiedust380: block pooja pixiedust380: and make it an away imthegreenfairey: hahahahahaha imthegreenfairey: noooo pixiedust380: ill be like "hey, guess who, turd!!!" pixiedust380: "you look like a man" pixiedust380: YES pixiedust380: DOITTT imthegreenfairey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA imthegreenfairey: i cant stop laughing imthegreenfairey: oh my god pixiedust380: im sorryryy!!! imthegreenfairey: i have tears streaming down my face pixiedust380: make it an away you chock! pixiedust380: omg! i didnt mean to make you crah imthegreenfairey: hahahah pixiedust380: heheh pixiedust380: es pa? imthegreenfairey: ya\ pixiedust380: is will and grace on?? imthegreenfairey: i dunno yet imthegreenfairey: i'm looking pixiedust380: oh pixiedust380: it should be, because life as we know it is on at .....9? i think, and will and grace is befor eit imthegreenfairey: yeah usually pixiedust380: find it! imthegreenfairey: but ithink the apprentice is on right now imthegreenfairey: hold on pixiedust380: ohh ok imthegreenfairey: nooo its not on pixiedust380: ughhh imthegreenfairey: i know imthegreenfairey: crossroads does pixiedust380: huh? imthegreenfairey: crossroads is on imthegreenfairey: sorry imthegreenfairey: brb gootta peee pixiedust380: oh pixiedust380: it is? pixiedust380: ugh..okkk come back though imthegreenfairey: back pixiedust380: that was fast!! imthegreenfairey: i know brb i just gotta take out the garbage imthegreenfairey: pixiedust380: ughhhhhhhhh pixiedust380: BUM imthegreenfairey: back imthegreenfairey: charlie brown's christmas is on pixiedust380: OMG pixiedust380: WHAT CHANNEL pixiedust380: ES TO THE PAH imthegreenfairey: uhh 6 or 5 or 9 or8 imthegreenfairey: before 10 pixiedust380: ok imthegreenfairey: i'm gonna go watch imthegreenfairey: call me later hootster imthegreenfairey: LOVERS YOUUUUU pixiedust380: ok.......................................when imthegreenfairey: whenver you want! pixiedust380: :-*LOVERS YOU TOOO CHOCKERS pixiedust380: K TTYL imthegreenfairey: call me on my room phone pixiedust380: i dont know the number imthegreenfairey: 860.427.2491 pixiedust380: make sur eyou answer imthegreenfairey: i will imthegreenfairey: i always do imthegreenfairey: imthegreenfairey: lovers you imthegreenfairey: byee pixiedust380: kkkk pixiedust380: bye imthegreenfairey is away at 8:37:23 PM. pixiedust380: :-Di'm youre away message. thanks!
Auto response from imthegreenfairey: pixiedust380: hahah cause i'm a pimp...pixie pimp that is!
pixiedust380: i would put you as an away, but then all my friends would take your sn and start IMing you and just have you on their list and i dont want that because YORUE MINE pixiedust380: O:-):-*:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
apparently one of the funniest conversations between my sister and i...
hehehehehe whoo, yay for the 3rd journal entry in a day...
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| bored |
[06 Sep 2004|09:43pm] |
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| and i need to be redemed to the one ive sinned against because hes all i ever knew of loveee |
[28 Aug 2004|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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criminal-fiona apple |
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hmm. i just got incredibly depressed and jealous at the same time.
whatever.
tara left today. thats cool i guess.
school starts thursday.
got my schedule for school.
i hope i have classes with some people.
spencer likes me. apparently loves me. ugh. dra to the ma.
i tried talking to ming the other day.
she def doesnt like me. possibly hates me...?
probably because shes trying to be extra close to bryan.
and clearly bryan doesnt like me.
but i'm not going to dwell on it.
i'll manage fine without friends.
or at least i'll find a way.
i'm listening to fiona apple.
and i hate who i am.
thats it in a nutshell.
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| hiccup |
[23 Aug 2004|03:14pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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music |
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aaja nachle-monsoon wedding |
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so theres this kid who likes me--ehh nono. loves me apparently. but i'm not so sure i like him as much as we've been talking and such i dont feel i know him.
yick. i feel like a bum i am one.
ehhhhh. i dont wanna read for school.
hmmph.
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[24 Jun 2004|01:58pm] |
yeah. so since all of you fuckasses are going to be immature about this whole journal crap i'm stopping this drama. if you want to view my journal, ask. because from now on, its friends only. fuck all of you. take a step back and realize how lame you guys are. go ahead and leave comments all you want, but its my life. and i dont give a fuck about any of you guys.
so stay out of my life and shut the fuck up.
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[15 Jun 2004|07:20pm] |
| halfwingedfairy's LJ stalker is zlashedheart! | | zlashedheart is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged! |
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| wowww |
[05 Jun 2004|10:13pm] |
i def DONT need this from her. shes fucking lying about the whole "talking about myself" i fucking never talk to her. and when i do its that awkward silence. NOTHING about me. and if it is about me, she FUCKING ASKS about it. its not as if i bring it up. grrrrrrrr.
[previously she had talked to me about how i never talk to her, and i said that i never really talked to anyone online b/c i'm never actually physically at the computer...and then she claims that i see her in school, which i DONT...but whatever, its not worth it.]
LdZppln680: iam very sorry..im just kinda short tempered latley.... pixiedust380: ok LdZppln680: my parents seperated so its kinda messed LdZppln680: uup pixiedust380: k LdZppln680: u made @me pixiedust380: mad? no. upset? yeah. LdZppln680: upset about what? pixiedust380: the fact that you were short tempered with me and that you assumed things. LdZppln680: well i said sorry....and i told you why i was short tempered, and plus i didnt assume anything , i just used my sourses, which is you never talkin to me. plus i do see you in school pixiedust380: ...i dont see you.. LdZppln680: dont give me that, i saqw you frieday pixiedust380: i really didnt see you pixiedust380: i dont remember pixiedust380: you know what? you dont want to believe me, or you want to be short tempered with me, go ahead. i dont need this right now. LdZppln680: no i dont b/c u know you see me, and dont you gwt it? i told you i was SORRY....you obviously have issues forgiving people pixiedust380: i forgave you after you said you were sorry. LdZppln680: but you were "upset" pixiedust380: well you were teh one who asked me if i was mad.. i was just being honest. would you rather me lie? LdZppln680: no but you have no reason to be upset pixiedust380: who are you to say how i should and shouldnt feel? LdZppln680: your right LdZppln680: i am no 1 pixiedust380: dont pull that guilt tripping crap on me. i'm not going to sympathise for your self critisism. LdZppln680: god man you dont even care whats goin on with me because you have it soooo bad and it seems we cant have a conversation unless its bout you....and dont you dare try to tell me i am feelin bad for myslef because you should be the last one talkin bout that' pixiedust380: excuse me, but i'm not tlaking about feeling bad for one's self. i'm talking about self critisism. and i've only talked to you a few times. and believe me, i dont just talk about myself. youre right. i do have it bad. but i dont complain about it. i dont talk about myself when talking to you. you know thats a lie. LdZppln680: you wish you didnt.....all the times i have talked to you were about you and you do act like you have it bad...but listen there are people who have it a shitload worst ansd you can't imagine how lucky you are...yah ok you might have some issues but who dosnt you cant drag them out you need to think about those people whos lives are really fucked up...more fucked up then you can ever imagine...your not one of them pixiedust380: who are you to say this to me? you know nothing of me, or my past. nothing. LdZppln680 signed off at 10:10:13 PM.
shes not even worth posting in this journal, but i'm just bored.
that was THE most pointless fight i have ever been in so far. dear god shoot me. talk about a fucking first grade fight.
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| dont ever let life pass you by... |
[05 Jun 2004|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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incubus-warning |
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i always look at the the clock when its 9:11 pm. always. i saw hp on thursday night. with my sis and alison. before anyone else.mwuahahah.it was awesome. and then we went to the diner. and i ate grilled cheese. mmm. today is saturday...and i'm supposed to get confirmed tomorrow. how exciting... -.- and i saw raising helen with finik today. it was good. long, but good. and meg l. just called askin if i wanted to smoke it up with her. but mom told me it was too late to go over since it was 9. so yeah. shes probably not gonna ever ask me again. so i'm pissed. and people reading this are gonna get so pissed at me. not to mention any people, but i can think of a few who will rip me a new one.
whatever.
so yeah. my hands shaking. and i'm pissed.
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| good god have i been dreaming this paralyzing feeling |
[31 May 2004|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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finger eleven- stay and drown |
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i think this was the first good venting i've done in a while...
[convo with mike]
i just give up on having a life. and friends. and being me. i cant even handle a simple conversation without thinking about him. or without having flashbacks to when certain things reminded me of him. people say i need to forget about him, and get my mind off of him...but anything and everything reminds me of him. or gives me a flashback of him. i cant even fucking sleep in my room anymore because of what we did in there. i cant wear any of my clothes without having a flashback as to where, and when i was with him. and what i did with him on that day. i just cant stop thinking. and then my brain gets fried. and i dont talk to anyone, and everyone thinks that i'm depressed and dont want to talk to them, when in reality i'm just trying to save myself from being reminded of him in a simple conversation. and then they dont talk to me, and then when i want them to talk to me, they're not there. which makes me so incredibly selfish. i just dont know what to do, think or say anymore. i dont know how to act without having some weird reaction by either my inner self, or someone else.
brndnewfk246: its close to summer now... so maybe after summer u'll be happy... or close to it... over the summer u can just like... meditate (not literally) and it'll help... and ur not a selfish person.. a lot of people feel like that. i kno i feel like that when i dont want to talk to anybody... and when i need to talk to someone or talk to my usual 5 ppl they are away or not online... so its a normal thing ot get, ur not a selfish person by anymeans pixiedust380: its not selfish that i kept something from bryan...?:-( brndnewfk246: considering it cancels out that he kept the smoking from u... it doesnt make u selfish pixiedust380: what do you mean he kept the smoking from me? the whole time we were going out he was smoking? brndnewfk246: at the end... he said that he started smoking while u two were going out... he kept that from u... it doesnt matter the time period its the fact that he didnt tell u until he broke up with u... AND... he didnt tell u that he used to smoke until like a month into ur relationship... pixiedust380: and he friggin lied to me while he was breaking up, saying that he was on his moms lap top, whenr ealy he was at mings....not that tahts a significant lie, but it still is a lie..cuz after he broke up with me, he changed his profiles to "at mings hangin with teeeejay and brendoooon" ...geh...:throws up:
uuuuuumm this was a pointless update and i have school tomorrow andddddd...yeah.
:bites air:
i'm not even tired man..its 11..:sigh:
fuck you.
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[17 May 2004|03:46pm] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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music |
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the cure-night like this |
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Watching the days slip by so fast Knowing our fate has long been cast Working our fingers to be done Cause nobody loves you when you're gone Coughing up feeling just for you To find something real to hold on to But there’s a hole inside my heart Where all of my love comes pouring out You know you'll always be my man But grab yourself sweetness where you can Cause sooner or later we're going to die Left to the dogs under the sky I cracked a piece of broken glass Coughing up feeling just for you To find something real to hold on to But there’s a hole inside my heart Where waves of my love comes tumbling out You say that all the good is gone That I have forgotten who I am Free as a bird Wild as the wind But somehow I cannot let you in
i came home after 2nd today because i broke down. i guess it was a mix of a whole bunch of things. which i wont mention here. i dont even know what it was. shut up.
this is pathetic and i cant keep holding on much longer.
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[16 May 2004|07:28pm] |
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gah. fuck. just fuck.
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